After a whole night of ill feelings and rough sleeping, im just so tired right now at 9am in the morning... dunno what im feeling alr was just so angst ytd night and now im just like numb of this shit.. i guess i temporarily lost the ability to feel and understand my emotions... im just so shag and shit i wanna be happy but there is no joy to be felt wanna be sad but the agony is just so normal nowadays... becoming so shitty.... always hate it aft a bad emotional ride cos im always not sure how to go back to being normal agn.... being a joker, a pervert and a bastard.... i just hate the shit they put me through but i just cannot say no.... mere puppeting from the doctors and is like the pain is on me not them so yea i know its for my well-being but sighs...
Last pessi post for the day before i bring myself up agn and floox myself w positive thoughts but when i recover from this then... am i truly happy or is it just self-deceit...
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